Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
