i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you would pick up someone in the library
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
