so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need to calm my uterus...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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