yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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