i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
