The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize