well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
