Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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