honey bunches of taint.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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