no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
