I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
