Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
