Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
