i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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