God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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