peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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