I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
