if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
