They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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