His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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