I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
