i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
