We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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