Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
that's an acceptable place to lick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
