His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
