i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
