She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
