I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
