My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
