I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
