I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
