6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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