Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
