ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
