i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
