Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
