do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Randomize
