Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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