FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
