just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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