This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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