DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
