That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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