Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
