I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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