I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
