dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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