New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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