my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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