Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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