she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
