in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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