four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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