My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
