I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
