I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize