He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
